I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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