I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
