Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize