it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
