Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize