Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
