Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
