Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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