Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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