We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
