I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
