I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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