I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i need some magic done to my vagina
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
