I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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