Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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