mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
