But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize