Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize