I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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