So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
