carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
