if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
