your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize