Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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