They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
