i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
