we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
