i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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