Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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