You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
