i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I still have a little drunk in my system
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
