You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize