told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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