i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
being pregnant is like rehab
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize