I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
