I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
