where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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