im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
