do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Drunk is not a location!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
