ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
