Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
