omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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