Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
