I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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