I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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