If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
