I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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