just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
