his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize