4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
