i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
its liver damage thursday
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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