I like my sex mixed with concussions.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
