the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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