even my farts smell like vagina
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
