all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
