Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
