i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
