if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
