So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
