Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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