A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
