I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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