I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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