my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize