I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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