it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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