Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
