You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
