All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize