My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
