Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
