Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
