no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
