ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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