Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
