I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
