hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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