batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
