I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize