It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize