I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
